Feelings Of Despair
by anime sci-fi chick book lover
Summary: 6 years after the death of his father, Gohan needs to release some raw emotion he's been holding in. Sequel to come.


A young boy sat on his bed. It's been almost seven years since his father had died. It was pitch black. He rolled over. The lightning outside lightened the outline of his face. He couldn't sleep so he walked over to his desk. He turned on his computer and opened up the note pad. He sat their typing as fast as he could to get the words out. He finished in twenty minutes. He put it in a folder and saved it and went to bed, without shutting the computer down. The light woke his six year old brother up and he went to see what it was. He went to the computer and sent the message to everyone in his email box.

When checking their email those contacts received an email with his musings.

_Why did you leave._

_Was it because of me._

_Was I a bad son._

_Or a bad fighter,_

_Were you ashamed of me._

_Did I ruin your life._

_Was I not worth living for._

_Didn't you know I was scared_

_I cried when you left._

_I got pity from others._

_Am I not what you wanted._

_Am I not worthy of you._

_Did you want a better son._

_Did you want a girl._

_Am I an abomination to you._

_Was it something I did._

_Or something I said._

_Was I too weak._

_Was I too strong._

_Am I not a perfect kid._

_Am I a mistake._

_Didn't you love us._

_Didn't you care._

_Are you siding with Vegeta._

_Are we worthless._

_Are we something you didn't want._

_Are we not full blooded sayians._

_Are we abominations to your race._

_Answer me._

_Are we._

_Or..._

_Aren't we._

_I hated when you left._

_I hated you chose not to come back._

_I hated that you were the Goku._

_The saviour of earth._

_Not just earth._

_The whole universe._

_I hated how you were always acting dumb._

_You made mum make me a scholar._

_She wanted me to be the opposite of you._

_I didn't have a child hood._

_She was always yelling._

'_Stay home Gohan.'_

'_Be a scholar Gohan.'_

_When she says this I only say._

'_I want to be normal.'_

_She would always say_

'_Your not normal Gohan.'_

_So I would die._

_I would die because your not here._

_Your not here helping._

_So I tried._

_So I tried to kill myself._

_Mum was scared but I couldn't care._

_She blames Vegeta._

_But I blame you._

_You make ME defeat cell._

_You get ME kidnapped._

_By MY UNCLE._

_My UNCLE._

_Don't they love their nephews._

_Don't they help their nephews._

_They don't try and kill their nephews._

_Now do they._

_Now tell me they don't._

_Tell me only sayians do._

_Tell me that since I'm half alien._

_That I will be hurt more._

_Killed more._

_Tormented more._

_Than anyone on the planet._

_I thought_

_O.k._

_I'm not alone_

_I will be safe._

_Vegeta will help._

_Even though he tried to kill me._

_He was not the one._

_He swore he would be._

_He swore he would be the one to kill you._

_The great Kakorott._

_He didn't._

_He didn't get the chance to kill you._

_You killed yourself._

_You couldn't take it._

_You couldn't stand that you made your son stronger._

_Your son was the strongest in the worlds._

_It seems the strongest to ever live._

_But everyone still loves you_

_Every one knows you._

_No one knows me._

_Hercule stole my fame._

_Hercule stole my victory._

_Hercule stole my pride._

_Vegeta says I should blast him._

_Sounds right, ha?_

_The great prince Vegeta._

_Scared of a descendant of a low level sayian._

_Grandson of bardock._

_The sayian to have said went crazy on a mission._

_Who died before seeing his only child._

_His child who didn't destroy his rightful planet._

_An for that you were hunted._

_But never killed._

_You were killed._

_But only by your own will._

_You went to fight._

_You wanted to save the world._

_Killing and fighting._

_Traits that are in your blood._

_That you had to give to me._

_You marry royalty._

_Yet you fight._

_Not for money._

_Nor for fun._

_You fight to satisfy a lust within you._

_Not passion._

_Nor envy._

_Nor any sin in the bible._

_Mum teaches us about sin._

_She teaches us about life._

_Love._

_Pain._

_Suffering._

_Things she lives with every day._

_You fought to die._

_You fight for loyalty._

_Even when you settled down._

_Vegeta settled down._

_Remember._

_He has Trunks._

_And Bulma._

_He told me something._

_The other day._

_He once lived for the pleasure of the kill._

_Now._

_However he lives for something else._

_Love._

_The love that has grown._

_For his wife._

_His child._

_Couldn't you be content._

_Couldn't you see you had a wife._

_A child._

_And one more to come._

_Couldn't you be content._

_With our love._

_The happiness we had once._

_Now I'm here._

_I'm writing._

_What I have wanted to say for._

_I wonder if even Dende knows._

_I found someone who can under stand._

_Someone who has lost a parent._

_Though._

_The person is not someone I would._

_Normally be with._

_But._

_Sorrow and pain._

_Have ways of putting unlikely people together._

_I miss you._

_I hate you._

_I love you_

When he awoke that morning his brother's actions were clearly see able.

**MESSAGE SENT**


End file.
